I'm currently reading a book. About marriage so far, (which is totally beside the point of this post). And though I'm only 55 pages in, so far it's about this chick who enters marriage hoping for a strawberries and cream life, where everything's rosy and idyllic; moonlit sonnets on the balcony and lovin' in the garden. But she is completely disappointed and thus far spends her time dreaming of being elsewhere, all the while trying to convince herself she's content and that her life could be in perfect harmony with her dreams if only she thinks it to be as such. It ain't happening for her, big surprise.
I'm forced to analyze such emotions and can only hope in complete futility that the number of people living this way is fewer than I know it to be. Too many people romanticize life. They still cling to the idea that their childhood dreams are going to come true; they will be wealthy and in love and live in a castle on a lake, and they will never be discontent and fury and uneasiness will never knock at their door, and god forbid these things enter into their soul. It's a rather happy little scenario and theoretically a gorgeous little fantasy...and in a way I envy the people who think this very way, because somewhere in the 20 years of my life, I threw this ridiculous possibility out the kitchen window.
And for that I am actually pretty glad, because while they may enjoy fooling themselves now, these people are going to wake up 5, 10, 37 years from now and realize that this dream fizzled out a long time ago. That their life didn't go as planned---they saw strife and they felt grief and they felt anger and disappointment and hate. And they fell out of love and learned to detest the world. They were led to settle, dashing their dreams to broken bits of glass akin to Kristallnacht. They work a 9-5 job, drink the same dull cup of coffee every morning, skimp on luxury to pay the daycare bills, live in a suburb, and never have sex anymore. Which happens to a lot of people, let's face it. But it's far worse when you hoped for so much more.
There are two things that could have happened along the way to this disappointing life: they fully acknowledged they were losing their lovely mirage of a life as it was happening, which would be devastating. Or---they literally wake up and recall that dream existence, one they had forgotten due to all the shit in their life. This is equally dismal of a revelation. What a drag.
But here I propose a third happening: how about you come to your senses early in life, don't make unrealistic dumb plans that are set up for failure, let come what may, and thus guarantee a happier end result? I retract that....happier, no (at best, maybe). More content, though---now, you can hang your hat on that for sure. And isn't contentment better than a fleeting happiness, which is a shallow emotion as it is? Stop grasping for things that aren't going to happen for anyone. Even the people who seem to have it all rarely do. Don't strive for anything---keep it simple. Enjoy the journey, good and bad. Love and lose, live and grieve, laugh and cry. Just don't build up hopes or lies in your brain that are going to be the end to your contentment. Even lives stricken with the worst happenings imaginable can be fulfilling---most of the time they prove to be more satisfying!
I know, I know....I'm just soooo depressing. But quite honestly, life isn't a pristine and sentimental manufactured Hallmark card sitting in a store, all white and shiny, with a bouquet of flowers on it...a card that's never been touched and yet the heart-warming message inside is predictable by even a blind man; and I personally wouldn't want it to be. I'd rather have a hand-made, imperfect, stained-with-tears card, one that's been put through a lot and is from someone who traveled that journey with me. I'd rather not know what the card is going to say, and I'd rather it be something that doesn't sound like it came from a Disney movie. In my life's card....I hope the message is in hand-written scrawl and I hope it's lopsided and it's cheery and sarcastic and sad all at the same time. Most of all, I want the card to be something totally unpredictable, something I had never thought of or seen and am therefore completely content with. Satisfaction.
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